You might be asking why couples would participate in couples counselling or marriage counselling if there are no major issues in their relationship. But participating in counselling prior to a couple facing a difficult situation could be considered the perfect time for couples counselling. Often, when couples wait to participate in counselling until they have major issues they are unable to resolve, a lot has happened prior to reaching this point. Now, in addition to the original issue, a couple may also have to cope with additional issues, such as not feeling heard, hurtful comments said by their partner, and not feeling their opinions matter. Without counselling to help work through the issue, the issue can become bigger and be harder to deal with by the time couples come for counselling.
Couples counselling can help to set a positive foundation for their relationship. Counselling may help to effectively deal with situations before these situations become problematic. And if couples face bigger challenges, couples with a good foundation have effective skills, skills they have already used and have experience being effective in other situations, which they can then confidently bring into more challenging situations.
One such skill is having good communication skills. This could be considered a vital skill for relationships, and a skill that is transferable to all relationships. While it may seem that the ability to communicate is basic or simple, communicating effectively actually involves many steps. The first is to say what we mean. Again, while this may seem basic, at times people may not say what they mean clearly or not be as detailed as they could be to communicate what they want or they may make assumptions, such as assuming their partner understands what they are saying. Effective communication also involves listening well. Again, while this may seem like a basic task, we often hear what we want to hear, what we think our partner is saying, or add our assumptions. Truly listening is an important skill that if not done effectively, can lead to misunderstanding. Have you ever argued with a partner to eventually realize you’re both saying the same thing? On the other hand, problems cannot be effectively solved if we do not truly understand what the actual problem is. Working on communication can result in less confusion, and less time articulating what you want to say.
Managing our emotions is an essential skill for communication. As humans, we are unable to effectively communicate or problem solve if we cannot remain calm. The executive functioning part of our brain (e.g., communicating effectively, problem solving) shuts down when our amygdala, the emotions part of our brain, is fired up. Not only are we less likely to be able to effectively deal with the situation with our partner when we are emotional, but we may say hurtful words during this time, making the situation worse. Being able to effectively manage our emotions is critical for any relationship, but particularly one with our partner. Couples counselling or marriage counselling can help you manage your emotions, so you are able to address a difficult situation with your partner.
Effective problem-solving skills is another area that is helpful for couples. While some problems may be easily solved, other problems may be more challenging. Already having a strategy for how to address more difficult problems means a couple can work through more challenging situations quicker and with less drama. Understanding how to identify underlying issues helps compromise to be reached more effectively. Problem-solving helps to address recurring patterns and to prevent resentment in the relationship.
Couples counselling can also help with the connection between partners. Life can be busy, but maintaining connection with our partner is not only good for the relationship, but for the individuals as well. And having a good relationship is helpful when needing to resolve conflict. Couples counselling can help to maintain or even strengthen the connection between partners.
Having a solid foundation of these skills before facing difficult issues allows a couple to practice the skills in less intense situations, which helps couples not only master the skills, but to feel and be competent in using the skills, before they are required to deal with more challenging situations. This can help a couple feel better prepared when dealing with more difficult situations.